I Had Two Options: To Be Cancer’s Victim or Heal
The following is adapted from The Grace of Cancer.
Despite what my doctors told me, I felt it in my bones that the cancer invading my body would be a short-term problem. I felt so determined to live, I didn't even cry when I heard the diagnosis. Crying would have only added to my chronic sadness, which contributed to me getting sick in the first place.
When I looked back at this period in my life, I realized I had created the disease in my body by experiencing years of sadness, suppression, guilt, loneliness, and stress. I had allowed those toxic, negative emotions to fester for too long, so I decided to change my outlook and take responsibility for my actions.
I want to be clear, however, that responsibility is different from blame. Taking responsibility empowers you to change your circumstances, whereas blame causes nothing but negative emotions like guilt. You can react to your prognosis as a victim by blaming yourself and asking questions like, “Why did this happen to me?” or “What did I do wrong to deserve being punished with cancer?”
Instead, empower yourself by responding to the news with a positive mindset. Ask, “What lessons am I supposed to learn from this?” We tend to automatically assume the worst about our situations, but that tendency is counterproductive. Do not blame yourself for your disease, and do not think of it as a punishment.
Instead, accept responsibility, and if you’ve allowed yourself to dwell on negative emotions for too long, pivot and move forward. To heal, you need to adopt a positive mindset and truly, deeply believe that the world is better with you in it.
Science and spirituality both support the idea that a strong connection exists between the mind and body. Physics asserts that our perception forms our reality. Neuroscience tells us our thoughts influence our biochemistry. Spirituality says that life doesn’t happen to us, it unfolds from us. The mind and body affect each other in every way, and if we are not healthy mentally and spiritually, we cannot be healthy physically.
Once I knew about these connections, I wholeheartedly believed I had the power to undo the damage I had inflicted on myself. I had two choices: to become a victim of cancer or to heal my body and become the absolute best version of myself. I chose the obvious: to live!
After learning my diagnosis, being so close to mortality magnified my focus on the outcome I wanted: to live. Yes, it was hard for me to see this at first, and it will be hard for you, too. You are given an overwhelming amount of information from your doctors. Look past the distractions, decide and commit to your new life, and, finally, visualize it.
Choosing to live feels like aiming to climb to the top of a mountain, but you will reach it if you take the steps and commit to the process. I am living proof that what you think is impossible is, in fact, possible.
When I first heard my diagnosis, I told myself, “Veronica, look up once. Remember the top of the mountain, but don’t look up again. Just take a step forward every day.” The same goes for breathing and walking again—one baby step that required so much effort from my lungs. I will never take breathing for granted again.
Think about it, what downsides are there to deciding to live? NONE! I was already given a death sentence, so I believed I could only win from that point on. If anything, this death sentence has pushed me even more to live a meaningful and fulfilled life!
Nine months later, I reached the top of the mountain when I received my first clean scan. Today, I say cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me because everything I learned and discovered during the healing process paved the way for my new life of fulfillment.
None of the beautiful experiences I’ve had since my diagnosis would have happened if I hadn’t decided to live. The first step to making that decision for yourself is knowing what you want to live for. What do you want out of life? By asking this compelling question, it brings awareness that your thoughts and efforts determine your behavior and actions.
Visualize the life you want for yourself. What are you fighting for? Is it something miserable or extraordinary?
I knew what I wanted as my outcome: to get rid of the cancer in my body and live a healthier and happier life than before. Once you have clarity on the direction you will take, it is time to make your path easier to travel by removing the negativity from your life.
For more advice on deciding to live, you can find The Grace of Cancer on Amazon.
Veronica Villanueva discovered her “why” after being diagnosed with stage IV cancer in 2016. She knows she is alive today to share grace, blessings, and the lessons that cancer has taught her. Her “incurable” disease gave her the gift of knowing herself, loving herself, and sharing herself with others in a profound way. Through her work as a trained Cordon Bleu chef and certified health coach, Veronica aims to inspire others to embrace a holistic lifestyle built on a commitment to growth, eating healthy foods, taking the time to create memorable moments, and of course, fostering loving relationships.
